Ah well, I turned 47 while writing this.
I used to worry about getting old. Having my health and looks stripped from me.
But these days time has lost all meaning.
I am suspended from a rope.
I'm not waiting for it to break, I just am.
Eating beans from the can. Wisdom. Acceptance.
My only concern now is with creation. While I'm alive I want to create a piece of art that is good. Then I'll die and it won't matter.
Nice and simple.
I have created much art over the years and some of it is OK but I would say that a good work still eludes me.
I think hard about what I am doing. But not *too* hard. Good art comes from a place far deeper than conscious thought.
I allow my conscious mind to steer me in the right direction -- the rest is automatic. I want the universe to work through me.
Life often seems absurd and meaningless. Probably most of the time.
One cold March day about a decade ago after an old friend's funeral I stood up and decided to breathe meaning into my life.
I decided to try to leave behind a few pieces of work that might inspire other lost souls to not give up. To Believe.
It's the best I could come up with in this cold and godless multiverse.
So I went to college and tried to learn how to make good art.
No one seemed to know.
2 years after finishing my art degree I'm just about to start a new piece of art.
I'm trying to forget everything I learned.
I think I understand now.
We go to university to university to learn the hard way what doesn't matter.
I have a feeling even before I begin this new work that it will not be good.
But if it's not good it will at least be big.
The magic isn't flowing at the moment. I'm not well.
All part of the journey.
If this post seems pretentious I'm sorry but I feel I've earned the right to be.
I think I've suffered mentally and physically enough to strap on those turgid spurs of pomposity and ride the hollow horse of bombast into the... agh, fuck that.
So I thought I'd record the progress of this new work's creation via a Vlog. So please have a look.
Cos god knows, there's a lot of it out there.
I haven't really made any drawings or paintings lately due to my health which I'm going to the doctor's about tomorrow/today.
I spent my free time making a couple of songs.
I made videos for them and I think that they detract from the music. So remember, these aren't videos--they are songs.
While recording them I thought they were inspired genius.
Listening back to them now they're pretty shit.
I see a pattern forming...
I think they connect in some way with the drawings and paintings I'll be making over the next few months.